A   C o m p r e h e n s i v e   M a n u a l

week, or to follow communication guide 

and finds Darrin busily organizing the

lines, people may forget, grow careless,

office.  

or simply interpret them differently from

others.  This is bound to cause resent 

What is going on for Andy?  What is

ments and sometimes conflict.  

going on for Darrin?

Agreements are broken for a variety of

Darrin tends to mistrust others in the

reasons: people take on too much because

group because they sometimes mess up.

they are unrealistic about their time, per 

Rather than confront them directly with

sonal issues come up and interfere (they

his feelings he tends to just over compen 

just broke up with their lover, they are

sate and do more work.   When Andy

failing a course, etc.), people don t know

comes into the office for his next shift and

how to do what they agreed to and they

finds Darrin already there, two things

are too embarrassed to ask for help, etc.

happen: he remembers that he missed his

However one of the most common rea 

last shift, but because Darrin is already

sons that people don t follow through is

there and clearly all is well, he concludes

because they don t think it really matters

that he is not that significant or important

to anyone.  Consider the following exam 

to the group.  

ple:

As a result of the conclusions that both

Darrin and Andy draw from this situation

It is very important for us to

this dynamic will likely escalate.  Andy

support our visible leaders,

may become more irresponsible because

(offering appreciation in

he feels not needed and because he

greater amounts than con 

structive criticism), and not

knows someone else will take up the

trash them.

slack.  Darrin may become more respon 

sible and do even more. Both Darrin and

Andy may have bad feelings toward each

Andy agreed to staff the office from

other; Andy will come to believe that

3:00 5:00 p.m. on Wednesdays.  Last

Darrin is controlling, while Darrin will

Wednesday when he was on his way

continue to dismiss Andy as completely

to the office he bumped into someone

irresponsible.

who he hadn t seen in years.  He got

caught up in the conversation and

Even when there is no "Darrin" in the

totally forgot to go to the office.  Dar 

group to clean up the messes, the

rin stopped by the office that Wednes 

"Andy s" of the group may feel superflu 

day afternoon at 4:00 p.m. and found

ous if no one notices that they didn t fol 

it locked.  Darrin tends to be super 

low through.  It is pretty easy for us to

responsible and he felt pissed off at

feel un noticed, un appreciated, and irrel 

Andy because he was always meticu 

evant if others ignore when we don t fol 

lous about staffing the office during

low through on our agreements.  If I say I

his assigned hours.  Darrin, however,

will meet a friend for coffee at 7:00 p.m.

doesn t say anything directly to Andy.

and I don t show up until 7:30, my friend

However the next Wednesday Darrin

may feel bad.  Whether or not it was my

shows up at 2:45 p.m. to open the

intention, I may have given the message

office.  Andy comes in at 3:00 p.m.

that I don t value my friend and their

M a n a g i n g   Y o u r   G r o u p

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